There can be valid circumstances that prevent you from being able to go to a funeral. Perhaps the most obvious one is simple geography, and if the funeral is being held in a different city, a different state or even a different county, you might simply be unable to afford to make the trip on such short notice, as devastating as this can be. Clearly, if geography is not an issue and it's just a matter of a conflict with your schedule, try to rearrange your schedule. Even then, a compromise is possible. You might opt to attend the funeral service while missing the burial and the wake. But what can you do if there's no possibility for you to attend at all? You can't simply ignore the passing of a loved one, even if you're unable to be there in person to say goodbye.
Flowers and a Sympathy Note
The arrangements for the funeral might mention a suggestion for in lieu of flowers, requesting that instead of a traditional funeral bouquet, a donation can be made to a designated charity. When you're unable to attend the funeral, you might wish to do both. You can donate to the charity as well as sending a bouquet to the family of the deceased, simply to let them know that your thoughts are with them. This should be accompanied by a short sympathy note, sending your condolences while also expressing regret about the fact that you're unable to attend the service.
Sharing Memories
Talk to other family members and friends who will actually be at the funeral. It's traditional for mourners to get up and share their memories of the deceased, and if an attendee was intending to do this, you might ask that they read out a few words on your behalf. These words should not be lengthy or elaborate, but they are simply a way of allowing you to share your own memories of the deceased for the benefit of those in attendance.
Watching the Service
You might not be able to be there in person, but you still might be able to watch the proceedings. It's becoming more commonplace for a funeral home to livestream the service, and this is intended for people like you who can't be there. Ask the family of the deceased if they planned to livestream the funeral, and then set aside the necessary time to watch the service. It's not the same as being there, but at least you get to feel like you made as much of an effort as you could.
It can be devastating to be unable to attend the final farewell for someone you cared about, but this doesn't mean that you can't still commemorate this sad occasion, even if not in person. Reach out to the funeral home hosting the services for more suggestion.
Share4 September 2019
Irving Berlin famously sang, "The song is ended, but the melody lingers on..." Anyone who has been in charge of funeral arrangements knows the importance of striking the delicate balance between reverence and celebration which helps us remember the true heart of a person. We admire incredible examples of funerals that faithfully commemorate a person's life such as those for Nelson Mandela and Joan Rivers. Unfortunately, funerals for our own loved ones often end up being generic or "cookie cutter" because sadness overwhelms us. This blog is designed to help by outlining the ways that funeral directors can personalise a service and providing imaginative ideas.